Well I am sure all of you are waiting on photos from me showing how incredible the Munsters – Hardcore Hearse Club Show was last night. Me giving Butch Patrick my Eddie Munster Portrait. Us showing off our new Bride of Frankenstein Prop I made in the hearse.
Well here is a photo summing up the evening….
Yah needless to say I woke up Friday morning with a tickle in my throat and through out the day my nose was congested. I assumed it might just be the climate change etc. As the night went on I felt worse and I passed out early on the couch watching American Mary on Chiller (which is one of my favorite movies so I usually stay awake for it ha ha).
Saturday when I woke up I was even worse. With my immune system I knew being out in the cold all night would be a really bad idea. So needless to say Frank and I stayed home. I was so upset all day and evening long. I still am. Out of all the hearse events this season this was the one I was the most pumped up for. I am sure you can tell by all of my prep posts.
I still feel aweful and my meds are wearing off so I am gonna stop typing and get some more rest. Maybe watch some ID channel or be thankful that all of the TV channels are having Halloween Horror movie marathons.
I end this post with one word that sums up how I feel right now…. WAH!
Yesterday afternoon I had to make one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I had to put my sweet baby girl to sleep. I know she is no longer suffering but it pains me every waking moment since it happened. I keep thinking back to when she was a kitten. She was the runt of the litter and she was scared of the world. She would be hiding when all the other kittens were trying to explore. We had already decided to take Ichabod and when I saw her I knew I had to take her too. I picked her up and she was shaking. She clinged to my shoulder with her claws holding on tight. It didn’t phase me. I just held her and told her “you don’t have to be scared anymore little one…. I am going to take you home and take care of you”
Sabbath napping peacefully on top of the couch by Mommy
That is the same moment I thought about when I was nursing her these past few months. The around the clock syringe and tube feedings, measuring and administering her meds, cleaning up vomit, convincing her to eat, staying home with her to make sure she was not alone…. it all brought me back to that moment when I promised her I would be there for her. That I would take care of her.
Telling her goodbye I felt a harsh bit of guilt as if I let her down. Was there something else I could have done. Did I not do enough? Did she know how hard I tried and fought for her?
I just picture her sweet face looking up and meowing at me. Running to me when I would call her name. Turning her head towards me so I would kiss the top of it. Sitting in “her spot” on the couch next to me. Swatting bottle caps, Mickey’s caps and the tops of plastic spray bottles across the house. Catching flies in mid air (the never stood a chance in our house). Trying to spill my cup of water over when I would paint. Splashing her water bowl all over the kitchen for fun. Letting me use her as a pillow and purring the whole time while I did. Doing sneak attacks on Ichabod.
Everything reminds me of her. As hard as it is right now I will cherish those moments I had with her. She loved me on days I didn’t even love myself.
R.I.P. Sabbath “Sabby” Garcia. I miss you my sweet baby girl. May you no longer suffer as you cross the rainbow bridge. Mommy loves you. You will forever hold a special place in my heart. I will always be grateful to you and your unconditional love.
Tomorrow marks another year my Mom has been gone. With the weather being so unpredictable and rumors of more snow tomorrow I decided to take advantage of the sunshine and go to the cemetery today instead. When Frank and I got there I couldn’t believe my eyes. The butterfly bouquet and the porcelain owl I put out there last time was still there and had survived the insane, harsh, deep freeze, Chicago winter! I couldn’t believe it.
I added the new flowers to the mix that was still there and texted my brother about it. I sent along this picture that I took/edited and said…
“They are still here… tough as nails… just like you and me… just like Mom” 😉
His response “hell yeah!”
My Mom might not have conquered cancer but she was the strongest person I have ever known! She was a tough cookie! And remembering that about her is what helped give me strength during my surgery and recovery process this past year. I might have had my break downs but I made it through it and I know she was there for me during it all. All the signs she sent to me and my brother have been taken to heart and seeing this today was yet another reminder of her presence and to stay strong! The irony though. Me even typing the word “strong” while tears roll down my face. I guess no matter how strong you are you can’t help but miss someone so much. To feel like a void is missing from your life that can never be filled. And knowing no matter what you do and no matter who comes in and out of your life that it will never go away. Does that make you a stronger person? A weaker person? Who knows. All that I know is that I miss everything about her and that I will never forget all that she was and all that I hope to be because of her.