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imagejpeg_0It sucks when a day turns into a milestone that makes you flashback to so much loss. An annual reminder of how long you have lived your life without someone in it. A day you flashback to when you were a child and felt the worse pain imaginable. For 27 years, March 16th has been a day of mourning,  a day of feeling incomplete, a day of “why her?”,  a day of confusion, a day or feeling alone, a day of tears you can’t hold back even in public, a constant reminder of when my entire world got turned upside down. The day the world lost an incredible woman. My mother.

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Every year on this day I go to the cemetery in her memory and it’s never easy. This year I decided to make a special bouquet for her. I am hoping it might help to use symbolism and to honor her instead of focusing so much on the loss of her not being here. I used flowers in some of the bright colors I know she would like. My goal was “let’s brighten such a sad and shitty day…….somehow.” Yes, the pink ribbon symbolizes breast cancer but to me, it also symbolizes that she was a fighter!  The owl represents who she was as a person. She loved owls and they remind me of the happier times of my childhood as they decorated the house we lived in. But they are also very wise, strong and beautiful creatures…… just like her.

As another step of trying to focus this creation 6tag_230716-104736post in her memory. I want to end it with a photo of her and I that always makes me smile. My Mom was a funny lady and my brother and I  get a lot of my personality from her. As you can also see in this photo 🙂 This one’s for you Mom! You may not be here physically, but your spirit will always live on within us. Thank you for giving us the foundation that helps to keep us strong.  For the signs, you send to Mike and I that let us know you’re with us or that you know what we are facing. For bringing random people into our lives at just the right times that help to keep us going. Your love shines through them. Thank you for being the woman you were to help me become the woman I am.

Never Forgotten,
LDG Nicole

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Loves: Not A Day Goes By…

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Not a day goes by in these past 25 years, that I don’t think of, love and miss you beyond words….

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A photo I carry in my wallet every day as a reminder that my Mom is always with me.

Back Bone: American Heart Association Walk – The Super Santoris

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In memory of Dave Santori

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Frank and I enjoying an outdoor wedding with Dave and friends!

The Heart walk I am participating in with my friend Heather (who recently lost her father) takes place THIS weekend!

There is still time to donate to our team!

Just visit: http://heartwalk.kintera.org/bloomingtonil/nicolegarcia1031

Stay Spooky (and Supportive),
LDG Nicole

R.I.P. Geoffrey Lewis

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R.I.P Geoffrey Lewis is was an honor to have met you!

Stay Spooky!
LDG Nicole

Back Bone: Walking For The Heart

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I’m walking in the American Heart Association’s 5K Heart Walk to raise funds for heart disease and stroke research and education. I have joined the team The Super Santori’s to stand by my friend Heather’s side as we walk in memory of her dad who recently passed away.

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Dave Santori

Events like Heart Walk make a difference. Through education and research, the American Heart Association is working to build healthier lives for all Americans.

Click on the link below to visit my fundraising page to make a secure, tax-deductible donation and find out more about why I’m participating in the Heart Walk. No amount is too small! Every dollar amount gets us closer to our goal.

Thank you in advance for your donation and support! Life. Life is why we have the American Heart Association’s Heart Walk.

http://heartwalk.kintera.org/bloomingtonil/nicolegarcia1031

Stay Spooky and Supportive!
LDG Nicole

Reflections : Mom, tougher then any winter freeze!

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Tomorrow marks another year my Mom has been gone. With the weather being so unpredictable and rumors of more snow tomorrow I decided to take advantage of the sunshine and go to the cemetery today instead. When Frank and I got there I couldn’t believe my eyes. The butterfly bouquet and the porcelain owl I put out there last time was still there and had survived the insane, harsh, deep freeze, Chicago winter! I couldn’t believe it.

I added the new flowers to the mix that was still there and texted my brother about it. I sent along this picture that I took/edited and said…

“They are still here… tough as nails… just like you and me… just like Mom”  😉

His response “hell yeah!”

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My Mom might not have conquered cancer but she was the strongest person I have ever known! She was a tough cookie! And remembering that about her is what helped give me strength during my surgery and recovery process this past year. I might have had my break downs but I made it through it and I know she was there for me during it all. All the signs she sent to me and my brother have been taken to heart and seeing this today was yet another reminder of her presence and to stay strong! The irony though. Me even typing the word “strong” while tears roll down my face. I guess no matter how strong you are you can’t help but miss someone so much. To feel like a void is missing from your life that can never be filled. And knowing no matter what you do and no matter who comes in and out of your life that it will never go away. Does that make you a stronger person? A weaker person? Who knows. All that I know is that I miss everything about her and that I will never forget all that she was and all that I hope to be because of her.